nice to meet you anyway

i mean, are you kidding me???

For crying out loud, walk past most high street stores and you’ll see their window bedecked in fluro EVERYTHING. From jewellery to tights, and my PERSONAL favourite, slogan tees, fluro is everywhere. and id like to pose the question. Where the hell did it all come from?

Most fashion trends come from celebrities like sienna miller, mischa barton, nicole richie etc etc etc blah blah blah. Walk into your nearest Sportsgirl and you’ll find kate moss’ short shorts from not last tuesday but the one before you know? Cause we’ve all met her personally, or may as well have considering how well some people seem to know her wardrobe.  Its all well and good though, inspiration has to come from somewhere right? Also its the high end designers who we see rip offs of in our stores. But really, fluro?? Some things are meant for the 80s and the catwalk. And thats it. Please. Or else we’re all going to have to start wearing sunglasses inside like the fully sick hip hopper too cool for school cats that we are.

For this party I was going to last weekend [theme: fluro retro], I ventured into the new Supre store on Bourke St Mall in the Melbourne CBD for something fluro to add to this sweet as sunshine yellow high waisted skirt I bought at Savers. Now this shop is HUGE and I mean HUGE. I lost my friend in there for no joke 10 or 15 minutes and theres about 25 change rooms. It’s got its own redcarpet and ‘door bitch’ who was in fact male on this particular day. The shop is basically black on the inside but you don’t have to worry about seeing clearly cause the fluro shit everywhere creates enough light for most of Melbourne to see by! Now fluro is bad bad bad. But you know what, theres nothing worse than a slogan tee, untill you make it fluro. Now not all slogan tees are terrible, I do give credit to some designers but Supre really doesn’t fall in that category. I don’t care how much you ‘heart’ your boyfriend, or that your having a ‘bad hair day’ [when clearly you got up 15 mins early to do your hair extra nicely so you could wear that top and everyone would look at your hair]!!! Its fashion for the masses, completely disposable, and in 5 years, hell in 6 months i guarantee you will be looking back at yourself saying WHAT WAS I THINKING. Fluro is [hopefully] only going to be around for 30 seconds, and for my sake I really hope the inane slogan tees the year 7s and 8s at my school seem so enamoured with, go with it.

Quite apart from the basic ugliness of fluro clothing, ITS. NOT. FLATTERING. Show me someone who actually looks good with fluro yellow, green or orange next to their skin and ill give you…something fluro! Though I’m sure there are those who pull it off, I really don’t see why you’d want to when theres so much other, much more wearable and less blinding fashion out there. And god forbid anyone things fluro yellow tights are flattering, and those lurex metallic leggings are full on enough, acid yellow??? Spare me.

So here are my rules for how/when to wear the latest trend: fluro, though you quite possibly need your head examined:

1.  if your going to a retro party.

2. if your going to a fluro party.

3. if, like me last sunday, your going to a fluro retro party.

4. if your under 10.

5. if your male and can pull of that im so cool i didnt even look at this tshirt before i bought it and threw it on over my [probably skinny and female] jeans and still managed to look soooo hip. [though a vintage tee would be even better]

and for those sad sad people who just wear trends cause they’re trends and they have to, stick to accessories, preferably the plastic resin type bangles and rings which are small enough they won’t blind everyone you see. [and if they're not fluro can actually be really cool].

If I believed in god, the fashion victims who wear fluro leggings and the like, would be in my prayers tonight.